Weather: cooler and sunny today
Listening to: whatever the suite next to me is listening to. A few minutes ago it was "Everybody Dance Now".

Return to the dungeon castle dungeon Alma Mater

I had a great day today, and for the weirdest reason: I went back to visit my high school.

"They never come back unless they want something, eh?", I remarked to my old Studies in Literature teacher, with what I hoped was a self-deprecating smile, because I wasn't just back to catch up. I was there to track down old teachers and guidance counsellors to act as verifiers for my high school activities, and to ask said Lit teacher for a letter of reference as well. It's NOT like I've spent a lot of time over the past three years popping in to say hi. I HAVE spent a lot of time over the past three years complaining about the place. I've been bad about e-mails and I don't even think the Old Girls' directory has an entry for me. But, OMSAS wants an autobiographical sketch that dates back to when I turned 16, and verifiers for every activity -- and I figure that, since a reasonable chunk of my autobiographical sketch activities will date from high school, one of my three referees should be able to speak to those.

So here I am, on a sunny fall morning, filled with weird dread and anticipation -- walking along Lonsdale Road towards the big grey stone building that was my second home/pressure cooker/arena of excellence/primary frustration in life/central focus of five years of mental, social and emotional energy. Striding up the newly-cobbled circular drive towards the front door, then -- deep breath -- through the front door to the reception desk. The old receptionist is...still there! Yay. And she knows me. So far so good.

The student artwork on the walls is as good as ever. Maybe better. Or maybe I've just forgotten how good it was.

My guidance counsellors remember me and are supremely helpful in every way, even remembering a couple of awards and involvements I had completely forgotten. Even offering to read over my med school application essays.

I run into tons of old teachers over the course of the day. Teachers I never had want to know all about my life. A drama teacher who directed one of the plays I was in says contritely that she's always regretted not giving me a bigger part (which bowled me over, since I was long over that particular disappointment). My old creative writing teacher finds ME as I'm chatting to someone else; she gives me a big hug hello. I find my AP Chemistry teacher who wants to know all about how I found chemistry at university. I run into my grade 11 biology teacher and grade 10 math teacher in the hallway, and they both want to chat. Later, as I'm being toured through the additions to the school, an ex-English teacher calls me from the door of a classroom I've just passed and says "I thought I saw you!" She's in the middle of teaching a film class in its schnazzy new location (more about that later).

I find my ex-debating coach and Lit teacher, finally, just as she's finishing up a grade 12 English class on The Awakening. Once I tell her what I'm doing back, she offers me a reference letter before I even have a chance to ask her for one, and gives me -- from memory -- the years of debating tournaments and public speaking competitions I was in. We talk for a bit about Shakespeare, Stratford, the new addition to the school which I haven't seen yet, English teachers who have since left the school and old students we're still in touch with, at which point she invites me to lunch in the Staff Room! DUDE! I've seen inside the staff room, through the crack of an open door, like, once. Turns out the staff get a pretty nice lunch buffet every day, and we talk some more over lunch. She tells me about the year she spent at another private school, and I explain a bit more about BHSc. When we run into my chem teacher later, she's all like "I've just had the NICEST chat with Susan here."

Clearly, this is turning out to be a Good Ego Day. Clearly, I'm starting to wonder why I don't drop in on my alma mater a little more frequently. I totally thought I knew why, but at this point I'm forgetting. My head is swelling nicely. I'm thinking I'd like to stay a little longer.

So after lunch, I head down to the Advancement office which doubles as the office of Old Girls Affairs. I'm looking for one teacher in particular, who kind of marshalls the Old Girls, but she's unavailable. Nonetheless, I'm still given the grand tour of the new facilities, which...are...amazing. BEAUTIFUL. Oh, I still maintain all my old objections to the way that they're spending their money and all of the bitterness that the academic side of the school is totally getting shafted. But I can't argue with the ooooh-aaaahh factor of the new digs. The ooooh-aaaahh factor is totally there.

Most of all it's nice to be in such a pleasant environment. Maybe I've been away from the place long enough for the rose-coloured glasses to have settled onto my nose. It's also super-early in the year and the stress isn't yet thick enough to be almost visible. Still, I can't get over how happy all the teachers seem to be, and how happy everyone is to see me. It's weird to think that there's a place where I'm remembered well, despite the fact that I haven't made any kind of attempt to keep it that way. No one at Mac gives a rat's ass about me -- no authority figure, I mean. And yeah, I'm not going to deny it -- it's NICE to feel actively believed-in and supported again, even if I know objectively that high school doesn't mean much in the real world. Head-swelling aside, I haven't actually believed in myself for a few months now, but today was better. I never, never, NEVER thought I'd say this...but...going back to the place today was precisely what I needed.

So, you know. Maybe I shouldn't write off my high school totally. I mean, I have to write it off a LITTLE -- it's in my nature, eh? But, you know. It might not have been, like, all bad. It might even have been a little good. And it might still be, if I gave it more of a chance.

Guess I should go update that Old Girls' Directory.

~SQ

Update for any Old Girls (and anyone else who cares):
-The new Junior School classrooms look like they're being held in a Pottery Barn. All natural lighting and neutral, calming colours. Very Reggio Emilia. They are so gorgeous. And we DID need a new Junior School, the other one was just too cramped, so I can't really criticize there.
-The senior school band room is finally big enough for the band. Plus, new private soundproof practice rooms!
-The dance studio looks like a real dance studio. And there's some guy who used to be with the National Ballet teaching there now.
-The fitness room looks like a gym, complete with the three ceiling-mounted, muted-and-closed-captioned TVs tuned to CNN, MuchMusic and soap operas, respectively. Oh, plasma TVs, of course. No expense spared. *sigh*.
-The new gymnasium...looks much like the old gymnasium. Except this one is schnazzified and maybe bigger. And underground.
-The old junior school is being turned, gradually, into the Centre for Art and Design for the senior school. And...whoa. New film editing equipment has allowed for film class to be introduced. They have a screening room and the software/equipment necessary to mix and master soundtracks (or something, I don't get film stuff, but it sounds like they can do some pretty cool tricks there now). No Macs in the old Mac Lab -- there are two junior-school classrooms full of them now, in their stylish plexiglass-and-luminous-white glory, and they're all for film editing and multimedia work. The new Design Tech lab is downstairs, and they have a -- drumroll please -- 3D printer. What is a 3D printer you ask? Well, you generate specifications in the form of blueprints on a computer, send them to the 3D printer, and it prints you out a plastic piece. I am SO not kidding.
-The school archives have moved into the old design tech lab. When we went in, my old history teacher (Gravina) was poring over the blueprints for the school circa 1913, trying to find something out for somebody who asked -- I don't know exactly what. It's clear, though, that school history is much more accessible now. When studying World War II, for example, a class or two is held in the archives taking a look at what the school was up to during that time period.

Weather: You know, why isn't September just considered part of summer? Seriously...make my summer vacation June-July-August-September instead of May-June-July-August. I think that would make me much happier. Those smart British people have it right.
Listening to: Ben Folds, "The Ascent of Stan"

Fragments, back-at-school edition

-The sun is setting directly outside my window, over Cootes Paradise. It makes my room a pretty amber colour between about 6:45 and 7:15. I'm not sure how long I'll have that for...I guess I'll see as the year wears on.

-I have been a hooked-up woman for three years now. This is an interesting thought in a lot of ways.

-I have a blown-glass lamp from IKEA ($9.95 plus tax), which is frosted lime green and a slightly lopsided jug shape. When it's on at night, it glows like a gestating alien fetus. I like it a lot.

-While cleaning out my school notes, I found a birthday card from one of my roommates who I knew in elementary school and kindergarten. The front cover features incredibly detailed artistic renditions of the two of us, me with a blonde bowl cut and her with longer black hair, and the inside reads "Dear susan, Happy birthday because i love you. (row of hearts). with love, tiffany, april 25, 1989" It's cute. She'll kill me for posting this.

-When packing to come up here, I didn't bring my usual complement of novels and plays (Douglas Coupland's Microserfs, Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and Arcadia). Instead I brought up poetry: my anthology of 20th century poetry from high school creative writing class that we barely used, my volume of Philip Larkin, and my copy of Sylvia Plath's Ariel. I'd like to be more of a poetry reader.

-I have all of the first season of Veronica Mars on my computer, and I'm spending far too much time watching it.

-When I unpacked my stuff here, I thought that I had forgotten to bring my deodorant with me. It turned out that I hadn't, but before I discovered this I had already purchased a replacement from the university pharmacy. They didn't have what I usually buy, so I bought Secret Platinum Clear Gel ("Strong and Clear!") in Glacier Mist scent (which I picked randomly). Oh my God. It smells SO nice. I reapply it all the time. I am about three steps away from using it as a roll-on perfume, which would be really disgusting.

-I cooked on Friday night -- honey-mustard chicken with white rice and asparagus, and apple crisp for dessert. I think it worked out very well, especially the crisp.

-I attend classes, I've bought my books and I'm moved into my room. Nonetheless it is weird to be back here. Still, as the days wear on and I see familiar people more often, it becomes easier and easier to be here.

-Now if only med school apps would get easier.

-The sun is now a subdued red circle just about to sink beneath the treeline. Which I guess means that it's time to push off to night class. Have a good evening, everyone.

~SQ